Weakness

death looms in the near distance
like fog hovering near the shore.
the precise moment of our meeting
is uncertain
yet the inevitability is clear.
what remains to be done
in that incalculably short blip
between now and then?
out of all possibilities
and all urgencies
it is the oblivion of love's embrace
that commands my waking thoughts
and even my dreams.
every particle of thought/desire
is framed with the wanting of You.
nothing seems more important to me now
than to taste you one more time,
to travel your beauty devotedly
in one final pilgrimage,
to lose myself in you
in that surging blast of molten heat and forgetting,
knowing full well that the very next moment
will be the emptiness of rebirth,
'me'-ness,
wanting all over again.
i cannot dissolve into you.
you cannot release me.
letting go is a solitary affair.
but the conceit 'I am' does not want to die alone.
this one that clamors for the merging of two
will fade away in cool stillness.
just stop moving.
just stop.
i know
but i cannot help myself.

- Barry Kapke, 2 mar 2007
Chiang Mai, Thailand